My friend died this weekend

This is the book her son wrote.

Inger Anne soon had to fight again though, as did her family, because not long thereafter, the breast cancer spread - despite her having had operations and everybody thought that this was it. This time, it reappeared in her liver. She started her fight again - this time not only for her self but for her children, fighting for them to be seen, and for children of cancer patients to be acknowledged as well - for someone to see their pain and undesrtand that this was a war the whole family was going through - not just the patient. 

Ever since my son Theodore started daycare I have known Inger Anne - I first heard her speak at the parent-teacher conference for our 4 year olds and I immediately knew I had met my match - this was a woman that was MORE into attachment parenting than I was, and even more vocal about it - and she was willing to fight! I immediately knew I had to get to know her - but I did not know how. People streamed around her and wanted her attention, and she was professional and curteous - yet a bit distant.

But our children found each other fast, and soon, I was invited to her house for the boys to play, and we started talking - about our families, life, our children, our careers, and something I had not known, her breast cancer.

All was well though - she was well! She had fought the cancer off, and life was moving on - and I was so happy I had met her - she was perfect in every way. We shared our values, our frights, or concerns, our love for our children and our committment to our families and bringing up our children in a world where there was too little attachment and too much distance. We also shared our love for our jobs and our committment to our work as well - and we shared bottles of wine and good laughs and gossip - and I found I had met a true friend in Norway - something which I had longed for for so long.


Once again though, Inger Anne won- and they got rid of the cancer beast again - and life was moving on - until it happened again - and this time it went for her brain - and I at least started getting worried. Inger Anne had calmed everyone around her down - told us not to worry - she knew she was getting old and that she was going to beat this. This was just another fight - they were getting through it. She even ran a half marathon last year, with brain cancer - and wow - I was so sure that she was beating it - she had me believe it! She never once let me know if she had doubts about the outcome of this illness - never.

It was not until this fall when I read this article in the news that I suddenly got scared and called her up, not having seen her yet after we got back from California. The TV interview was from the hospital, with her high school son crying next to her, telling his story about how it has been living with a mom that has cancer. And that was when I heard her say the words I never thought I would her from her. She said she had come to terms with understanding that she would not be around for as long as she had hoped to be.

My heart stopped and I started crying and I called her - and once again - she calmed me down. She was home again, and the recording was a few weeks old, and would I want to bring the kids over for lunch one day.

So we went, me and my two youngest, and the kids played as usual just great together, while Inger Anne and I talked and talked about life in general, gossip, and other stuff - just like before. We touched upon her cancer once in a while, but she was sure it was all going to be all right. She was on chemo, and though they had said no more operations, she was sure the chemo would take care of it. We talked about normal stuff that friends talk about, like weight gain and husbands and kids and school and work - and as I left, it felt like it had always felt - Inger Anne was going to live forever.

But she wasnt.

Today, December 17th, when I picked up my son William from school, he asked me if I had heard about Berits mom. I asked what he was talking about and he said, you know, Berit at my school, you know her mom dont you? I immediatley got worried and started panicking and did not want to know but had to ask him what he meant and he said she had died this weekend.

This weekend, my beautiful friend Inger Anne died - the strongest person I knew, with the strongest family, four amazingly brave children, a husband who kept his back straight and did what he had to do while facing his wife dying - this weekend the whole family lost the battle against cancer.

And we all lost a wonderful person who lit up the room and had strong opinions and a heart so loving and caring - and she is gone.

And I feel empty. I dont know how to talk about it to the children without crying. I dont want to alarm them - I dont want them to worry they will lose me. But I dont want to hide my pain either. But I have to - I have to do what Inger Anne did and be strong.

These are some links:

1. An article with pictures that show her how I remember her when I first met her - from September 2007 - right after she was back from maternity leave and around the time I first saw her at the parent teacher meeting at preschool: http://www.adressa.no/forbruker/helse/article950584.ece 
2. From an article in the local paper right after her third round of chemo - this time the brain cancer was gone on the one side and 50% reduced on the other - and she had won a personal trainer to take her up to the Oslo half maraton: http://byensnaeringsliv.no/bn/artikler.php?artid=5112
3. From the launching of the book her son Ruben wrote: http://www.nrk.no/nyheter/distrikt/nrk_trondelag/1.8387937
4.  From an article I did not read - but where I would have found out that she was not going to make it after all: http://www.nrk.no/nyheter/distrikt/nrk_trondelag/1.8343436
5. The article I read when I realized that things had gotten worse for her and the family: http://www.aftenposten.no/nyheter/--Jeg-er-sa-stolt-av-Ruben-7006272.html